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How to Separate the Men from the Boys

Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: dating sites, matt simplson, online dating sites I recently went out with a guy from OKCupid who told me that he had noticed a lot of women including long lists of red flags and dealbreakers in their profiles. “I find that so annoying,” he complained. “I mean, do girls actually get a ton of messages from guys who can’t spell or who aren’t wearing any shirts?” The short answer is: Yes. Yes, we do. While a lot of guys might not take those lists seriously, there are many mistakes men could make in their profiles that will trigger an immediate red flag in a woman’s mind.is fling.com safe Even though some of these should be obvious, many are honest mistakes that even guys with the best intentions might make. As women, we understand that there are a lot of weirdos and creepers to weed through on these sites. But if you’re not one of them, be sure to use these tips to create your profile more appealing and less sketchy. Unacceptable profile photos: There are three types of photos you should never have in your profile. Mirror photos, simply put, are tacky. If you can’t scrounge up a photo of yourself out in the world or with friends, it’s time to take some.

Shirtless photos are also off-putting to most women. You don’t need to prove to us that you have a nice body or work out. That should be clear even with your shirt on. Finally, immediately remove any photo of you holding a gun, especially if it’s pointed at the camera. No joke, I honestly see this all the time. I even once saw a photo of a guy pointing a gun at a dog. I don’t care if you love hunting or think it makes you look cool. It’s creepy. Crappy spelling and grammar: Spelling and grammar are crucially important in a format where all you have are written words to make a good impression. If it’s not your strong suit, have someone look over profile for errors and brush up on your skills in the meantime. If you’re serious about meeting people online, put in the effort to learn the basics. It might sound nit-picky, but why risk alienating a potential match with something so easy to fix?

Mentioning sex: The word “sex” should not be anywhere in your profile. Not even as a, “Let’s be honest, I’m a guy, so of course I think about sex…” kind of thing. And definitely don’t list it in the six things you can’t do without. Mentioning sex turns many women off even in an otherwise thoughtful and well-written profile. The only real instance I feel it’s appropriate to talk about sex or list “casual sex” as something that you’re looking for is if it’s all you’re looking for. If you’re even remotely open to the possibility of a relationship, don’t mention it. The “Don’t contact me if” list: I suggest removing this kind of list in general, but especially if it mentions requirements for appearance. It’s best to avoid listing specific physical characteristics that you’re either looking for or not. If you have a thing where you only date blondes or won’t date a woman who’s even a few pounds overweight, you could mention it, but know that you might also scare away women who meet those criteria because they’ll see you as shallow. Misusing the IM Feature: This might just be me, but I don’t like getting IMs from random guys who haven’t messaged me before.

I’ve never had those conversations go beyond exchanging a few lines of awkward conversation. Even when the girl’s online, start with a message, and save the IMs for later. Sending stock messages: It’s tempting to send a quick, “Hey, how’s it going?” to a girl to see if she’s interested, and maybe if you have a profile she likes, you’ll get away with it. But as women, we get messages like that all the time. If I had a dollar for every, “Hey cutie how r u?” message I’ve gotten, I could buy myself a subscription to a paid dating site. It’s always more effective to include at least one or two questions specific to a girl’s profile. You don’t have to write a novel (actually, definitely don’t, because that seems weird and will make you resentful if the girl doesn’t answer). But include one or two specifics and at least one question for her to answer. “Nice guy” syndrome: Avoid using the phrase “nice guy” when describing yourself. If you’re really a nice guy, your profile and messages will show us that. This is a newer red flag for women, but if you keep insisting that you’re “really a nice guy,” we might wonder if you’re hiding behind that phrase for some reason, or what baggage led you to feel the need to include it. Making serial killer or rape jokes: This is something I’ve myself come across enough times to be concerned. I anticipate a lot of eye rolling in response to this rule, but making a joke about either being or not being a serial killer, stalker, or rapist is not funny.

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You have to understand that as women, these are very real and legitimate concerns that are constantly on our minds, especially while talking to strangers online.

If you’re a decent guy, your goal should be to make a woman feel safe and comfortable while talking to you. You’ll only hurt yourself by making jokes at the expense of her safety. Just remember that it’s always best to be honest about who you are and to communicate with women in a respectful and thoughtful manner. If you keep that in mind and follow these guidelines, you’ll have a much better chance of getting messages and responses from women on online dating sites.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…topadultreview.com Share This Article Facebook24Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: dating advice, guys, Online Dating, online dating for guys, online dating rules, online dating tips Any woman that has ever engaged in the ‘Soggy Biscuits’ game for starters.  Disgusting!

I know what I like and when Kelly Seal asked, naively, if I would contribute,  so I did! The answers may shock you… Anyway, the lovely and thoughtful Kelly Seal has featured yours truly in a guest group post over on her site about what really attracts men.  I suggest you go check it out, as the post features some of the most popular and well-written male bloggers out there that are truly the heavy hitters in the dating and relationship genre. The Insightful Jeffrey Platts, the Soulful and Sinful Jack, from Brooklyn and the hysterical Fishy, of Plenty More Fish Out of Water. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: attraction, guest blog, jack from brooklyn, jeffrey platts, kelly seal Never got to a dead and sucky place again You’ve been there, haven’t you? You know what I’m talking about. You’re out with friends and looking for a great place to hang out. You pick a spot, well reviewed on Yelp, and it’s dead… I mean, it’s more dead than the crowd at a Michael Richards comedy show. It sucks, right? Well, Gerard Durling is looking to change how we all find the place to be and maximize our fun-seeking efforts with a little product called SnipStamp. Gerard, a rugged-looking danzig look-a-like, was kind enough to take some time out of his busy day to answer questions from this guy, for our readers. SnipStamp hasn’t officially launched yet and, at this time, they are seeking testers for both their Android and iPhone apps. To be sure, geo-location dating services can be hit or miss.

SnipStamp is trying to do something a little different. Keep eye on their Facebook Page to keep up with what’s going on with them. What primary problem does SnipStamp solve? Something your readers are going to like is our “Stamped Spots”. Using the “Stamped Spots” feature, SnipStamp users can see where the local single crowd currently is hanging out. The app shows how many men and women have checked-in to your area venues and how many of those people are single. Are there other services that SnipStamp utilizes to provide users with more info and, ultimately a richer experience? Absolutely.

SnipStamp is integrated with Google+ Local (formerly Google Places), so users anywhere in the country can instantly check-in to places like bars and restaurants. We’ve also added Facebook and Twitter integration, so you can easily register, find friends and share your activity with others. We also encourage users to talk about this information with their friends on Facebook and Twitter by offering additional points towards prize giveaways. How did this idea come about? Last summer, while watching WWE’s Monday Night Raw, my then-girlfriend texted saying she “wanted to talk.” After telling her to wait until wrestling was over ( maybe a bad move), she ended things. I kind-of realized I needed to get my life together and the next morning started brainstorming how to drive more business to this website design company I started earlier that year. That’s when QR-codes came into play. I wanted to start utilizing them to track ROI on print advertising as a way to get my foot in the door with local businesses. After pitching the idea to my friend and current SnipStamp VP Jeremy Romani, we changed the focus to the nightlife experience, and it took off from there. What can you tell our readers about your rewards program? Anytime a user interacts with a venue using SnipStamp, they receive points, depending on the type of discussion. These points work like raffle tickets that go towards weekly prize giveaways, so the more points accumulated, the better the chances of winning prizes like gift cards, t-shirts, and really whatever the venue wants to give away.

Checking into a venue earns one point, scanning one of their QR-codes earns two, and leaving a review on their SnipStamp profile page earns three points.

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With our accrual-based incentive program, users will also earn free stuff from SnipStamp when they reach a certain amount of points. Once a user reaches 2000 points, they can expect a t-shirt in the mail from us! In general, what has the reception been to what you’re building? Are people excited and curious? Give it up! Well, people in the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, PA vicinity have heard enough hype from me that if this thing sucks, I’m definitely going to hear about it! Honestly though, everyone I’ve talked to and shown designs to have been into it, expressing genuine interest and excitement. This really is going to change the way people go out at night, and will only get better from here. In addition to connecting people, what would a venue get out of your app? It does seem to be very location-intensive. Aside from a very intelligent tracking system we’ve created for the venue, they also can instantly connect with their followers through Daily Special posts and Push Notifications. We’re also available to create unlimited customized QR-codes for the venue’s print marketing efforts. What has been the biggest stumbling block thus far as you develop your service and app? Well, for example, we recently did a photo shoot for the app at a local venue, and many of my friends were texting to ask about the dress code.

This inspired me to add that type of information to the venue’s profile pages. It’s stuff like having to constantly update features that have provided not only the most frustrating part of developing this app, but also one of the most exciting. Any words of wisdom for others on the market looking to build their particular startup? Join a gym. It’s a incredible stress reliever and you’re about to be taken to a whole different level of stress and frustration. I’ve gone to the gym every day since this app has gone into development and it’s something I’ve found myself looking forward to. I like going in the morning. It really sets your day up. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured Tagged in: geolocation, location based dating, snipstamp The LA Foodbank still has an overage of women in need of man-handling. Are you a man?

Have you never lost to a woman in Street Fighter II? If you can answer yes to these questions then the LA Food Bank NEEDS YOU! By popular demand, the Los Angeles Regional Foodbank is launching its 3rd Annual Have a Heart for the Hungry on Saturday, February 12, 2011 from 9:00 am to 12:00 pm. Sign up now for Have a Heart for the Hungry! Help fight hunger in our community, and you might meet your match. And when lightning doesn’t strike, all is not lost. You can still make new friends and help needy families, individuals, children, and seniors in Los Angeles County. Minimum Age Requirement is 18 To sign-up or for more info please contact: Ana , Wesley, or Mike at 323.234.3030 ext.

190, ext. 144 or ext. 156 or by email at [email protected] , [email protected] , or [email protected] See and download the full gallery on posterous http://theurbandater.posterous.com/over-abundance-of-single-women-need-more-men email Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships I don’t know why I do the dumb things that I do. It’s not genetic. I can’t blame it one someone else. I’m just a dumb, dumb idiot; a true nincompoop, if ever there was one. Why?

I’ll get to it. I’ve got baggage. One woman a dated long ago dubbed me “baggage boy” in her blog. Yep. I had lots of shit to deal with; I still do, but it’s neatly tucked away now and there for all to see. That is, I don’t have a problem telling people what things I’ve got in my carry-ons. I have reflected on the series of dumb things I’ve done in life and where it’s all brought me to. I’ve been with some good women the last few years. I’ve been lucky in love in that sense, because I did find women who I loved and who loved and respected me. I strolled away from each relationship though. Friends and family shook their heads in disbelief. My grandfather cussed “The fucking, kid is no kid!

Fuck!” ( followed by a plethora of expletives rapidly fired in Español). These decisions, each time, have made life a little more difficult than it had been previously and has brought up a series of questions, with few answers at the ready. Do I like to do dumb things? Perhaps. Do I fear commitment? Eh, I dunno. I’d like to think it doesn’t scare me. I wanted marriage with both of my previous exes. The kids thing was always the sticking issue, though. Finding people to talk to on this topic is hard because people tend to want kids. I’m in the minority of social misfits that don’t want them. I knew I could always consider my partner-in-blog, Taylor Cast, but then she went and got preggo. Now she’s excited. Fucking gross!

Fuck, fuckity-fuck! I am not amused; not one bit and everywhere I turn are people with their chubby faced, wee babies. Queue my rolling of the eyes. There are more decisions I’ve shied away from over the years that have clouded and made more difficult a life. I’m not alone here. Perhaps I should revisit these obvious patterns in life and reassess. I know. This is a boring ass introspective post with little meaning to you, the reader, no doubt. That’s okay. If you want to derive meaning from something, start your own blog asshole.

Until next time, leave me to ambiguity, salted wounds and up close photos of the horizon… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Self Tagged in: 30dayblogchallenge I’m down for some water works? Are you? A discussion came up the other day. It had to do with showers. Not of the ‘golden’ variety, people. Heads out of the gutter for a minute, please! I showered at friends house not long ago, the friend is female. Now, all I did was take a shower. It’s not like I was roaming the place with my cock hanging out (well, it doesn’t really hang or nothing… it’s kind of like a pathetic nub in the wind… You get the point, no pun intended). Well, some people think that practice is wrong. That is, some people think it’s unacceptable to be showering in another person’s shower if they are of the other sex. Now, I’m not a spring chicken, I know what happens when you “drop the soap.” That’s all good fun, but how is taking a shower at someone else’s place any different than them making you a sandwich?

You’re the Judge? Is it okay or not? Vote and discuss! Take Our Poll Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Relationships Tagged in: shower at your friend’s place Okcupid is, as you know, my preferred dating site of choice. It’s easy, there’s a lot of folks on it and it’s free. They do a great job of providing filters and meaningful ways of getting people to give a deeper understanding of who they are. On Questions… Answer questions; lots of them. When you first sign up, take 30 minutes and answer these questions as actually as possible and keep going. Until you get over one hundred answered. Go public on them, too! Answer honestly and frequently.

When you login, answer a few questions, 3 or 5. The questions are used to help match you up to other compatible daters. Plus, answering these questions, you receive the added benefit of more visits and likes as I think folks are clued into your recent activity and are more likely to click your profile when viewing recent activity. Your Profile Photo It doesn’t take much for people to keep “swiping right” or to just leave your profile behind anymore. It’s just a sign of the times. So don’t be annoying and have shitty photos that don’t show who you are. This lady is doing it wrong Any guesses as to why these photos are shitty? First photo from the left. Bad lighting and sunglasses. Middle photo, MOAR fucking sunglasses cause you care about that shit. You didn’t need to see her face, right? And then birthday cake goggles. Cute, but c’mon. What the fuck, lady? Nice tits! Look, it’s not that hard people!

This lady is doing it… better, but… Okay, this lady is cute. Middle photo is great! The first photo I don’t really get who she is or what she looks like. Could be the Unibomber’s granddaughter. I don’t fucking have any idea. The third photo? Maybe Josh Brolin from ‘No Country for Old Men.’ This gal has more than these three photos, thankfully. But these three photos are what you see in the desktop app. I don’t have any figures to tell you that this is a bad way to place photos. What I can tell you though is that your first few photos should be clear and showcase your goods; that smiling face, that great hair.

You don’t need a ton of photos, but about 5 seems okay. Photo Dos At least 5 photos First three photos should clearly show your face. Include pics of you doing something fun Include a full body photo Be playful Photos of you shooting a gun If you’re a woman, play up your assets! Guys, the only asset you should play up is your smile or your arms/shoulders Photo Don’ts No fucking sunglasses No group photos (which asshole are you in that group of assholes?) Avoid photos with bad lighting No duck face! No pics of random art or animals (especially if you’re not in them!!) On Your Profile Don’t tell your whole life story. There’s beauty in brevity. Be up front, say your bit and log-off. You don’t need to discuss all your hopes and dreams. Just a few tidbits where you are in life, what you like and who you’d like to meet.

You can still be creative and be YOU and provide a glimpse into your personality and sense of humor… Unless you have the personality of a dead rock.